Future Dreams
by kbymyside
Summary: The continued adventures of the Castle/Beckett family. A sequel to Lost Dreams.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi and welcome back! This is a sequel to Lost Dreams and won't make much sense if you haven't read that story first. It'll be a little different this time but I still hope you enjoy. Comments, advice and constructive criticism are always welcome.**

**Chapter 1**

The March wind was brisk and Richard Castle pushed his icy fingers into the depth of his coat pockets, blowing out a deep breath that curled in the air.

He'd been standing in front of this brick building for the past fifteen minutes and it had been at least ten minutes since the bell rang, announcing the end of another school day.

Louis had dropped his backpack at his feet and gone back inside the school yard to play ball with some friends while they waited for Alexis and her friends to join them. The girls always took their sweet time.

A prestage of teenage rebelling - Castle was sure of it.

At last, Alexis and her three friends traipsed out of the brick building. The redhead spotted her father, but continued walking, barely darting a glance at him.

Castle waved Louis over. The boy said goodbye to his friends, grabbed his backpack and sighed as he saw Alexis about three hundred yards ahead of them.

They started trotting after the girls, heads bowed against the wind.

This is how far it had come. At the end of the last semester, Alexis had decided being twelve and all she was now too old to be picked up from school by her parents. She would turn a blind eye if Kate picked her up, but her own father had to hide behind bushes or next to a car and only received a scowl if he dared to make eye contact.

Going home by herself had even been one of her top three wishes for Christmas, but after the horror stories Kate had told him, there was no way his baby girl would ever walk the streets of New York on her own.

The walk from the school to their loft was short and he refused to send Alexis a car twice a day or let her take the school bus; he wanted her to get some exercise and fresh air, especially after sitting in a stuffy class room for hours on end.

So he had talked to a few of Alexis' near-by living classmates and their parents, and now the adults took turns patrolling after the almost-teenagers every morning and afternoon.

Louis and another girl's little sister had been banned from walking with the big girls and had to stay back with the adults. It wasn't ideal and Louis liked to sneak up behind the girls and walk with them for _everyone_ to see, how embarrassing, but this way, Alexis got to spread her wings a little and Castle himself was slowly getting used to his little girl floundering for more independence.

"Hey, how'd your math quiz go?" Castle asked, suddenly remembering that Louis had spent all of last week studying.

Louis shrugged and squinted up at him. "Three digit decimals are really hard."

"That doesn't sound too optimistic," Castle noted, pulling a hand out of his pocket to give Louis an encouraging pat on the back.

"They _are _hard," Louis insisted. "But I think I did okay. I just didn't have time to double check all the answers."

"I'm sure you did fine."

Castle was never worried about grades. With his daughter he needn't be, and Louis did alright. He loved science and engineering, and did well in math and history and gym class, and with his help, he also got decent grades in English.

"Just don't tell mom anything, okay? I don't want her to get all frustrated until there is an actual reason." Louis was batting his eyes and Castle let out a small laugh, showing him his palms in surrender. "I won't tell her," he promised.

Louis had originally received a partial scholarship to attend Marlowe Prep, but now that Kate was his wife, they had to pay the fees. It wasn't a problem for them, not at all, Castle would invest anything in their children's education, but Kate's eyes had almost bulged out of her head when she'd seen just _how_ much the tuition and books and uniforms cost. And now she was taking every opportunity to remind Louis of that and encouraged him to study harder.

There was nothing wrong with that, but in Castle's opinion, school shouldn't only be about studying and doing homework - it should be fun too.

The first of the girls arrived at her house and Castle watched until she was within the safety of four cement walls and a locked door before he and Louis hurried to catch up with the other girls.

"One day I'll be tall enough to watch out for the girls," Louis told him with a sweet smile. "Then you won't have to go anymore."

He'd rather his kids stayed small and in need of their parents.

XXX

"Hey babe," Kate rushed out, planting a fleeting kiss on his lips before greeting both children.

"Case solved?" Castle asked, chopping mushrooms on the kitchen island.

Kate shook her head. "And I have to go back in after dinner. I'm catching up on paperwork for Ryan."

"Oh. Really?" He tried hard to hide his disappointment, but judging by the kiss Kate pressed to his cheek, he failed.

"Come on," she cajoled. "He has a four month old baby at home. And he and Espo covered for me all the time last year so I could sneak home for half an hour during the day." Her pelvis bumped into his hip and a sly smile played across his lips.

Castle set the knife aside and turned to wrap his arms around her waist."They used to have sympathy with us poor newlyweds."

Kate, still in her heels, bumped her nose against his. "And I have sympathy with you." Her hands splayed across his chest, thumbs rubbing circles over his pecs. "I really have been working a lot, so maybe, I could hurry with Ryan's paperwork and rush home to you for some one-on-one time?"

She bit her lip as he nodded eagerly, and when he pulled her even closer, a smile broke free. "You'd like that?" she asked, teasing him now, because how was that even a question?

"Very much," he admitted, bending his head to accept her kiss.

"Eww," came Louis' disgusted voice from the couch, but there was a laugh in there somewhere.

"Hey, that was barely a peck," Castle defended them. "If that grosses you out already, then you should just see-"

A dishtowel swatted at his biceps, and Kate hissed, "Castle!"

"Sorry," he said, pulling up his shoulders and ducking.

"TMI, you guys." Alexis' voice floated down the stairs, followed by the redhead herself, and she plopped down on a barstool in front of them.

"Are we the uncool parents now?" Castle asked, his focus returning to the mushrooms while Kate stirred the rice in the pot.

Alexis tilted her head to the side, plopped a grape from the fruit bowl into her mouth and chewed while pretending to think hard. "Nah," she grinned at last. "You guys are still pretty cool. I'm lucky."

"I'll remind you of that in a year," Castle smirked. Though he wasn't truly worried; Alexis was responsible, had good grades and he liked her friends. She had been rolling her eyes a little more often now than in the past and she liked to pretend she was more grown up than she actually was. He was the one that was lucky.

XXX

"Hey dad," Alexis said casually, leaning against the doorframe to his office where he was currently trying to meet his next deadline. "Where's Kate?"

"Didn't you hear?" he asked, not looking up from his screen. Just two more paragraphs-

"Dad?"

Judging by her tone, it wasn't her first time trying to catch his attention, and he finally tore his eyes from the screen. "What?"

"I need to talk to Kate. Do you know where she is?"

"She had to go back to the precinct. She did say goodnight to you kids though; you must have had your nose stuck in your phone again." He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, giving her a look.

"We were discussing a school project," Alexis defended herself, though her cheeks pinked a little in shame. They've talked about this plenty of times, and while he and Kate had been tolerant-it was her first phone after all-Alexis not hearing things or excluding herself from family nights had become a sore point for all of them.

"School talk is fine, just-"

"I know," Alexis replied, looking apologetic. "It won't happen again."

Castle smiled at her and Alexis lifted a hand in a little goodbye wave. "I'll just go upstairs and read till bedtime. I'll come and say goodnight later."

She was already backing away from the door, when Castle called out, "Wait, Alexis. What did you want to talk about?"

Alexis reappeared in the doorframe, suddenly shy. "It's- it's something I want to talk about with Kate."

Her eyes offered an apology, and it wasn't the things she said that hurt most, it was the things she left unsaid. There was something she couldn't talk to him about. Something she only could or only wanted to share with Kate.

"You know you can tell me anything," he started carefully, pushing out of his chair and rounding his desk to rid himself of that barrier between them.

"I know," Alexis hedged, shifting her weight from one foot to another. "But I really want to talk to Kate about it."

His daughter looked so uncomfortable in the dim lights of his office, ready to bolt at any second and he clasped his hands together in front of him and tried to put on what he hoped to be an easy smile. "Okay," he said. "I'll let her know that you wanted to talk to her when she gets home."

"Great," Alexis smiled. "Thanks, dad."

When she left to go upstairs, he remained slumped against his desk, all his fervor to meet his deadline suddenly gone. Betrayal left a bitter taste in his mouth; he had always been her go-to guy, when had that changed?

* * *

Twitter &amp; Tumblr: kbymyside


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all the support you've shown so far!**

**Chapter 2**

He had been lurking on the upper floor ever since Kate and Alexis had disappeared into the girl's room. Louis was already giving him funny looks and he waved his hands wildly when the eleven-year-old opened his mouth to ask what exactly he had been doing up here the past fifteen minutes.

At first, he had pretended to sort out some stuff in his Fun Room as he called it. He had thrown away broken darts, finally exchanged the old set of dented billiard balls with the new one he had bought months ago, and had even thought of dusting off the picture frames in the halls or something, but he knew Kate would never fall for it; their cleaning lady was too thorough for that.

So he had taken to just pacing, his ear only inches from the wall. But he didn't catch much besides the rumble of Kate's soothing voice, and from time to time, Alexis' nervous giggles.

Days had passed since their awkward little talk in his office, and the only possible explanation for Alexis' unwillingness to come to him was that the girl must have gotten her period. But surely, he, her father, would have noticed that? Didn't she need...things? And wouldn't she be all awkward and freaked out? Or was health class really that preparing these days? Damn, a lot of things had changed since he'd attended school, and yet, in all these years that had passed since then, he hadn't managed to figure out how to talk to his soon-to-be teen about the changes awaiting her.

When he pivoted at the end of the hall once more, Louis was suddenly in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest, both eyebrows raised. "What are you doing?"

"Shh," Castle quieted him, pointing to the closed door of Alexis' room and then cupping his ear.

"I got that," Louis said, his narrow-eyed stare an eerily exact copy of his mother's. "But _why _are you spying on them? What's going on this morning? Alexis has been weird at breakfast, too."

Castle's head snapped up. "Weird how? Did she say something to you?"

Louis shook his head. "She just fidgeted around a lot in her chair this morning."

She was fidgeting? Alexis never did that. Something was definitely up. Together, they sneaked closer to the girl's room, drawn in by the shut door and murmur of voices behind it.

"And I noticed that she's been changing her clothes all the time lately. When I walk by her room in the mornings, the floor is _covered_ in-"

His exclamation was cut short by the door being pulled open and Kate Beckett staring them down. An "oops," escaped Louis and Kate tugged at his earlobe, shaking her head at him. "I thought I raised you better than that," she scolded and Louis turned shy eyes to Castle, waiting on him to react before he decided whether to apologize or try to wriggle himself out of this situation by cracking a joke.

Castle pulled his shoulders up and admitted defeat; he was the role model and they had been caught eavesdropping.

"I'll be in my room until dinner," Louis sighed, slinking off after his mother shook her head at him one final time.

XXX

"Eavesdropping, Castle, really?"

Kate had her fists stemmed into her hips while he sat on the leather couch in the corner, leaning over his thighs and propping his head up on his hands.

"I know, I know," he said on an exhale. "But you were gone a really long time."

"Is that supposed to be an excuse?"

She glared at him, but he held her gaze. "I admit it wasn't right," he finally relented, though not backing down completely. "But this is kinda - hard."

Kate's posture softened and she ran a hand through her hair before she plopped down next to him.

Her knee knocked into his and her hand curling around his elbow was all the encouraging he needed. "There has never been anything she hadn't felt comfortable talking to me about. And it kind of - hurts." His little girl whom he had thrown tea parties and dressed up with, whose go-to guy he had _always _been for _everything_, and now she preferred talking to someone other than him.

"Oh, Rick." Kate's hand wandered along his forearm until her thumb could sweep over his wrist and her slender fingers could slide under his knuckles, cradling his hand in hers. "I think if I weren't here, she would have come and talked to you. Eventually. She wasn't completely happy talking to me, either, but I guess I was the minor evils."

She tried for a smile and while he appreciated the effort, his heart was pressing on his stomach, making him feel sick. His little girl was not so little anymore.

Castle flipped his hand and slid his fingers through the spaces between hers. "Is it her period?"

"Oh." Kate looked surprised. Like she hadn't even thought of that. But Alexis was _twelve_\- "No, not yet."

He looked at her expectantly. "Well?"

Kate sighed and gave his hand a squeeze. "She told me this in confidence-"

"But I'm her _father_," Castle immediately argued and Kate untwisted her fingers from his and curled them around his knee, adding warning pressure.

"I know. Which is why I'm telling you. Just know that this topic is to be treaded warily." He gave her a relieved smile. "Alexis wants to wear a bra. And I said I'd take her shopping next week."

"A bra?" Castle echoed. "She wants to wear a bra? But why? And hasn't she been wearing these, you know-" He made some gesture near his chest area in hoping Kate would catch on; he had never been good at remembering what the different articles of women's clothing were called. Whether something was a flimsy crop top or a bralette, he could never tell.

"Yes, she has. But she wants to wear a real bra."

"But why?" he queried again, not understanding his daughter's motives. She was only in seventh grade, still so little. "She doesn't really _need_ one, does she?"

Kate chuckled quietly and patted his thigh in consolation. "It's not about actually _needing_ one physically. For a young girl it's just an important step of growing up, and it's more about self-confidence and maturing than anything else. Most of her friends are wearing one already and she doesn't feel comfortable in the changing room before gym class anymore; she wants to fit in."

Castle dropped his head and raked his fingers through his hair. "I think I'd be doing everything wrong without you." He looked at her, saw the faint pink of her cheeks which revealed that she was utterly pleased with the situation. "Thank you."

Kate bumped her shoulder against his. "We don't know yet if I'm doing it right. I'm just trying to think back to how I felt as a twelve-year-old and what my parents could have done to make me feel more comfortable with all the changes my body went through. It's a complicated situation and I could still mess up, so don't thank me yet."

"Oh yes, I am," Castle announced, grinning at her with pride shining in his eyes. "You doing this with me, that alone is reason enough to thank you. I'd be so lost doing this on my own. You know, as a single father I often thought about the days I had to bring up certain topics, but even in my head it never played out well."

She leaned in and dusted her lips along the line of his jaw and up to the corner of his mouth before smiling at him to hear him out.

"I mean, what do I know about periods? I could do all the research I wanted, I'd never know how it _feels_ to be menstruating." He broke out into a bitter laugh then. "I'd probably do too much research and freak her out."

Kate slipped her fingers through his hair, gripped it and angled his head. "We'll do it together. Alexis may not come and talk to you, but she knows that anything she tells me, I will eventually tell you, so we could plan how to approach certain topics together, if you want to be a part of this."

"Of course I want to be a part of this," Castle enthused. He always wanted to be a part of his daughter's life and he didn't want her to be shy around him when it came to periods and bras and relationships. He was the son of a single mother and he'd practically spent his whole life around women of all ages, he could deal with pads and tampons. "She can always come talk to me. Could you make sure she - knows?" he asked, almost shyly. It was just so important to him.

Kate sank further into his side, her body loose and heavy. "She knows that," she assured him. "Talking to me was just a little easier. But if I'm not around and she needs something, she'll definitely reach out to you; she's confident enough to ignore any awkwardness that might ensue."

Castle accepted that with a nod. Alexis was definitely very mature for her age.

"Alright," Kate said, interrupting the pleasant silence they had fallen into. "How about I go start dinner?"

"You're cooking?"

"Yep, I'm cooking," she grinned and moved to get up but Castle used their interlinked hands to tug her back down.

"Can I just- One more thing?"

Suspicion laced her voice as she asked, "About?"

"Us."

Wariness crept into her eyes and Castle knew she knew what he was about to bring up.

"I really should go cook, the roast takes a while and you know how Louis gets when he isn't fed on time." Shaking off his hand, she leapt from the couch and fled the room.

Everything he thought they had just mastered-communicating, sharing, being partners-was now in shambles. He just failed to understand her when it came to this - baby talk. It was almost ridiculous how evasive she was being and he could only scratch his head and ask himself why. What's wrong with babies?

* * *

Twitter/Tumblr: kbymyside


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

For all her confident talking last week, Kate felt pretty shaky now and not at all sure what she was doing.

Other mothers had about a decade to plan this day, she didn't. In fact, she had always kind of thought that Meredith would take Alexis bra shopping for the first time; it just seemed like a very mother-daughter thing to do. After all, it had been Meredith who had bought the girl her first shelf bras.

But now that Kate thought about it, Alexis had looked a little uncomfortable when they had come back from that shopping trip - maybe there was a reason she had turned to her this time instead of Meredith.

She took a deep breath and smiled at the girl in the passenger seat.

Louis had gone home with a friend, so Kate had picked up Alexis straight from school and they were currently on their way to the mall.

"Do you want to eat something first?" Kate asked but Alexis shook her head.

"I'm still stuffed from lunch at school."

"Alright, no problem. Do you want to shop for anything else today? We've got the whole afternoon."

Alexis tilted her head to think for a minute, then turned shy eyes to Kate. "Could we maybe buy some mascara for me?"

"Mascara? Oh yeah, sure." It just slipped out and in retrospect Kate wondered if she should have discussed this with Castle first. Did he have rules about wearing make-up? Would he even notice if Alexis started to wear mascara? She wasn't sure; he never mentioned anything. So she made the decision as Alexis' step-mom - if it bothered Castle they'd figure something out. Though it was only mascara. She lifted a hand from the steering wheel to reach for Alexis' forearm. "I'll have you know, I'm an expert at eye makeup." She winked and Alexis grinned at her. "We'll find you just the right kind." Maybe one that wasn't ultra black and didn't give her five times more volume. Kid-friendly mascara.

"Your eyes do look awesome."

Kate felt oddly pleased. She wasn't very into complicated hairstyles and nail polish and jewelry, so it was a comfort knowing her eye makeup was on point at least. She was different from the other moms at school, different from Meredith but Alexis seemed to like her all the more for it.

"Can you teach me?" the girl asked, bouncing a little in her seat; a complete opposite of the diffident girl she had picked up thirty minutes ago.

"Sure," Kate laughed, before she got serious. "Are you sure you want me to do this, though?"

She took her eyes off the road for a second to see Alexis' furrowed brows and confused expression. "What do you mean?"

Kate gripped the steering wheel harder. "It's just that you don't _have_ to do this with me. If you want your mom or your grams to teach you about makeup or to take you shopping, then that's completely fine."

"But I don't want mom or grams to do this stuff with me." There was a question in there somewhere, and then Alexis' head spun around. "Do _you_ want me to ask mom?"

Kate had just turned onto the parking lot in front of the mall and came to a stop in the middle of the road. "No, of course not," she rushed to say, reaching for Alexis' arm again. "I just want to make sure this is what you want. If you've always dreamed of buying your first bottle of mascara or your first prom dress with Meredith, then you shouldn't feel compelled to do these things with me just because I'm your step-mom and wash your dirty dishes every day."

Horror washed over Alexis' face. "I _don't_ want to do this with my mother. She doesn't know me and I barely know her, and when we go shopping, it's always about her anyway."

A honk from behind interrupted their moment and Kate put the car in gear to find a parking spot.

"I'm not sure I understand; don't you come back with ten new outfits every time you go out with her?"

"Yes, but the things she buys me are usually not things I like. With her, it always goes 'this would look so cute on you, Lexi,' or 'this skirt would look adorable with your hair.' And there's the next problem: she calls me Lexi. She always has and I've told her multiple times I don't like that name. My name is _A-lex-is_."

Kate finally found a spot and rammed the gear stick into parking, making the car jerk harshly. "I call you Lex sometimes."

The girl smiled softly. "That's different," she said quietly. "I like Lex when it comes from you."

Kate huffed and closed her eyes briefly. "You don't have to spare my feelings, Alexis. If you don't like it, tell me."

"No," the girl protested, shaking her head wildly. "I do like it. I can't explain it, but I like it." Her eyes dropped to her lap and Kate reached out to stroke some of that fiery red hair behind her ear.

"I'm glad. But I know that there will be a point where you'll be too old for Lex. I know I grew out of Katie fairly quick. Just tell me, okay?"

Alexis smiled. "Yeah."

"Alright," Kate grinned. "You ready?"

"Let's go!"

XXX

"Do you like any of these?" Kate asked, scanning the large section of women's underwear in front of them. She turned her head to the spot Alexis had occupied only seconds ago, but this time, it was deserted.

She found Alexis standing a few feet back, ears a bright pink.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Everyone is staring," Alexis hissed as Kate came closer.

Looking around, she saw a handful of other customers browsing the shelves and a few of the obligatory saleswomen lurking.

"No one is staring," Kate promised the girl, shooting a young, bored-looking and gum-chewing staff member a look that had her hastily occupying herself with the tights and sock packages.

"Yes, they are," Alexis argued, crossing her arms over her chest and looking miserably uncomfortable.

Kate laid a hand on her shoulder, rubbing to ease the tension but Alexis took another step back, shaking it off. "I know this may be a little awkward, but I'm telling you, Alexis, no one is staring. Buying underwear is something entirely normal, and every woman you see here has been in your spot before. No one is judging you."

Alexis seemed to accept that and gave her a weak smile. "There are so many different bras, I don't even know which size I need."

"We can either ask someone to measure you and recommend a few brands or styles, or we can just pick different ones and try them on until we find one that fits."

Alexis eyes widened. "Can we just go?" she whispered, pleading and making herself small.

Kate's heart clenched. The girl had come to her, trusted her with this and she was letting her down. She was disappointing herself, too; she'd thought she got this. But she was not giving up. "How about we sit down somewhere and talk?" she suggested instead. They had made it this far already, and she knew, if they left now, Alexis would never have the courage to ask her to go bra shopping again. They needed to end this shopping trip on a positive note.

The girl didn't look too happy, but let herself be dragged to one of the benches that were placed around the mall.

"I know how you feel," Kate started, but Alexis had her gaze focused on the shoe that was scuffing the floor. "I remember how all I wanted that day, was to go home and curl up in bed and never come out again."

Alexis released a small huff that faintly sounded like a small laugh and wiped the sleeve of her school uniform shirt over her cheek and beneath her eye.

"Remember how excited you were when you asked me on Friday? How badly you wanted this?"

Alexis nodded, some sparkle returning to her eyes.

"If you really want to go home, we will, but otherwise I suggest we take a run at those bras again, because you'll feel just as excited when you get to wear one for the first time. I saw some really cute ones that could fit you."

Kate nudged Alexis' elbow with her own and gave her an encouraging smile. "Sound good?"

"But I don't want crazy colors or patterns - just plain stuff," she said, ears tinted pink again.

"They have plain bras as well. Let's just take a closer look, okay? Don't get irritated by the other people in the store and pick what _you _like."

Alexis nodded, not quite smiling but looking much more at ease, and Kate thought that was it, but then the girl threw her arms around her for a quick hug. Surprised and stunned, Kate returned the gesture.

"Thank you."

Maybe she did know what she was doing. Maybe she was doing okay at this being-a-mom-to-a-teenager thing.

XXX

They drove home later that evening with a few bras, some mascara and new lip gloss, Alexis also holding a cup of peppermint ice cream.

Kate was glad she found a way to make this a little less awkward for Alexis, but she wasn't happy about the situation with Meredith. Alexis' biological mother might not be there a lot for her, might not know a whole lot about children and parenting, but Meredith still loved her daughter, and Kate couldn't imagine that it left her completely cold that another woman got to experience all those important milestones with her daughter.

She couldn't imagine that it didn't bother Meredith that she only got to see her daughter so little.

"Hey, have you talked to your mom lately?" she asked and Alexis shook her head, answering around a mouthful of ice cream. "No. Why?"

Kate shrugged, looking straight ahead to avoid Alexis' gaze. "Just wondering."

"She called a few weeks ago but I wasn't home and I said I'd call her back. I forgot. I did send her a card for Christmas though and texted her a few pictures I took with my new phone."

Alexis continued to shovel ice cream into her mouth and Kate spent the rest of the drive lost in her thoughts. It bothered her that Alexis and her mom were so distant and that it came across like Alexis didn't need her much. Of course that meant that Alexis got everything she needed from a mother from Kate, but she had never meant to push those two further apart than they had already been. She felt bad.

"Thank you for going shopping with me," Alexis said in the elevator on their way up to the loft, holding the bags with her new acquisitions.

"Anytime," Kate replied, smiling at the girl who started to giggle and leaned into her side. "If these get too small or you want new ones, just come talk to me, alright? You don't have to go shopping with me, but I'll happily give you the money; save your pocket money for other things."

"I love you," Alexis whispered and Kate leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead, the action hiding the blush of her cheeks.

Louis had been the first of the two to shy away from kisses and hugs and save _I love you_s for rare moments, but Alexis had caught on about a year ago.

Every touch, every affectionate word from them was now sacred.

They got off the elevator to find Castle and Louis playing laser tag in the darkened loft.

"Cover me, mom!" Louis yelled and dove behind her, using her as a shield.

Alexis darted upstairs to hide the plastic bag from Louis and cut the tags out of her new clothes and put them in the hamper.

Castle popped up from behind the couch, laser gun raised. "I can see you," he threatened and Kate tried to pry her son's sweaty hands off her waist to rid herself of her coat.

"Mom," Louis whined. "Stop moving, he's gonna shoot me."

"Your mom's as thin as a fence post, Louis, hiding behind her won't help you much," Castle rejoiced, sprinted off to the side and fired his shot before Louis had a chance to twist her.

"Noo," Louis howled and sank to his knees, his gun dropping to the floor with a clutter. Martha must have been over earlier - he couldn't have gotten those dramatics from anyone else.

"If you two are done playing, Alexis and I brought dinner." Kate pointed to the white plastic bag that smelled deliciously of fries sitting safely next to the door.

"Yes!" Louis cheered, jumping up. "You're the best." He was already rushing to pick up the food, but Kate caught his arm.

"Go wash your hands, and change into something less sweaty, please."

Louis shot her a look but sprinted up the stairs.

Kate took the food to the kitchen counter and unwrapped baskets of fries and burgers when Castle came up behind her. "You get me my favorite?" he asked, pressing a kiss to the exposed side of her neck.

"Cheeseburger with a side of sweet fries," Kate confirmed and Castle slowly threaded his arms around her.

"And what's for desert?" he hummed, adding a touch of tongue to his next kiss.

She smiled and folded her hands over his arms only to jerk back when she encountered his damp skin. "Ugh, Castle. That's gross."

"You've never complained about me being sweaty before."

"I don't mind when I'm sweaty too, but this is nasty."

Castle sighed, pressed one last kiss to her skin, then removed himself from her back. "I'll just take a quick shower. Be back in a few."

She put plates on the table when Louis and Alexis came down the stairs. Alexis helped with the napkins, while Louis opened the fridge door. "Do we have mayonnaise?" he asked and Kate tilted his head to the shelves in the door where they kept all their sauces and dressings.

"Ahh," he grinned, spotting the tube immediately.

He put some on his fries, then eyed his mother's basket. "Do you want some too?" he asked and she shook her head, focusing on pouring everyone a glass of water.

"Are you sure? It's good."

"I'll have my fries without sauce, thanks."

"Come on, mom. Just a little bit." He was still holding the tube over her fries and Kate narrowed her eyes at him, trying to figure out what he was up to.

Mayonnaise. Fat. Oh.

"Stop trying to fatten me up, Louis," she admonished, biting back a smile. Kids.

Louis flopped in his chair, huffing. "If only you were on my team. You'd beat everyone."

Castle chose that moment to come back and Kate handed him his plate, the fingers of her free hand lingering on his waist a little too long to be innocent but she loved that sharp, fresh smell of him after a shower.

He gave her a look, sitting down and she copied him, trying to remember what Louis said last. Something about laser tag.

"You know I don't play," she told her son, hoping it a satisfying answer to whatever question he'd asked.

"I know, I know," he grumbled, swiping a fry through his mayonnaise. "I'm just saying you'd be the bomb."

XXX

"How'd the shopping go?" Castle asked later that night, both of them tucked in. She had a book in her lap and Castle had just finished typing.

"It was a bumpy affair in the beginning, but we had a talk and she expects you to do laundry tomorrow so she has something to wear to gym class on Friday."

"_I _have to do laundry? Again?" he whined.

"I took bra shopping upon me," Kate countered with false imposition, but immediately shook her head and smiled. She didn't want him to give the impression it was some kind of chore for her. "I was actually a little frightened this morning, but Alexis is so easy, and I think she'll come talk to me again in the future."

"That's a relief," Castle sighed, slumping against the headboard a little. "I'd have been lost."

"Don't you think Meredith would have taken her if I weren't here?" Kate asked carefully, setting her book aside completely.

Castle sat up again. "I don't think Alexis would have gone with her, to be honest. And you know, if Meredith senses problematic or possibly embarrassing situations ahead, she runs. If you weren't here, I don't know what Alexis would have done. She would have talked to me for sure, but taking your dad or your grandmother shopping for a bra? I think we'd probably have ordered ill-fitting stuff online and never talked about it again."

Kate reached for him, fingers curving along the side of his neck and reaching for the short hairs at his nape. "It would probably have been hard, but Rick, you and Alexis, you're both brave people, you would have made it work."

He smiled at her, so tenderly. "I'm still glad I have you for all of these things." He pulled her next to him with an arm around her waist and she let her head drop to his chest.

"Can I talk to you about one more thing involving your ex-wife?"

He grunted but squeezed her side in encouragement.

"I've been noticing that Alexis is having less and less contact with her mother, and today she said going bra shopping with Meredith would never have been an option."

Castle snorted. "That's not surprising."

She shut him up with a glare. "She also doesn't like that Meredith has a nickname for her, but yet she likes that I do." She looked up at him, so serious. "Castle, I think she's starting to favor me."

He let out a shocked laugh and she stared at him. "What's so funny about that?"

"Kate, honey, she has always favored you."

He looked so utterly bemused about her confusion that she reared back. "Don't you think that's a problem?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Uh, no. I don't. Do you?"

"Yes, I do!"

She scrambled off the bed, jerked her wrist away when he tried reaching for it.

"What if, one day, Meredith wakes up and realizes that _I_ have done all these mother-daughter things she as Alexis' biological mother was supposed to do? What if Alexis wakes up one day and realizes she and Meredith are estranged because I have taken over the role of mother?"

She was getting seriously worked up about this and Castle crawled to the foot of the bed and sat down there, closer to her.

"I just don't want to take something away from either of them, you know? " Her bottom lip found its way between her teeth and Castle waved her over by crooking a finger. "You wanna know what I think?"

She nodded and braced herself.

"I think that your mothering skills are a threat to Meredith's. And there is no way in hell she hasn't seen that. So I think that if Meredith really wanted to be the most important woman in Alexis' life, she would have tried. And if Meredith really wants something, she doesn't give up. But she hasn't tried and I honestly believe she's glad there is someone else to take all the hard and unpleasant sides of mothering on herself, so that she only has to swoop in twice a year, spend a few hundreds on her daughter and take a new picture to show all her co-workers what a great mother she is."

She had been drawn in by the forlorn look on his face and the tender expression with which he regarded her and she was now standing between his legs.

"I don't think Meredith will ever have that 'Aha!' moment; her maturity hasn't changed much since I first met her almost fifteen years ago. And I think it's for Alexis to decide with whom she feels most comfortable. Don't you think?" He smiled up at her and her fingers automatically combed through the flop of hair hanging over his forehead.

"You're right," Kate admitted at last, alleviating some of the tension by sighing deeply. "I'm just still new at all of this. I don't want either of them blaming me for their poor relationship in the future."

"We're all still adjusting and wondering," Castle added. "For example, am I a father to Louis?"

Kate's hands in his hair stilled briefly. "He may not call you dad, but you're the only person remotely close to full-filling that position. He's not someone to sit down and philosophize, so I don't think he has realized that he has a dad now, he just knows there's someone new who loves and cares for him." The corners of her mouth tugged upwards and to her surprise, tears sprang to her eyes. "For all I care, you are his dad; you love him, you talk to him, you help raise him. And you're the greatest dad he could have wished for and I am so grateful that you just accepted him so selflessly."

"Woah, Kate," he breathed, stunned, and she blinked against the tears. "When did you get all mushy?" he choked out and she snuffled audibly before laughing around the clog in her throat and bending over to hide her face in the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

"You turned me into a sap the day you put that ring on my finger," she complained but he laughed quietly.

"Yeah, you cried a lot that day, babe."

"Did not," she huffed, but maybe she had. He sometimes underestimated the impact his words had on her and that day, he had said all the right words, beginning with _I do_.

"Did too," he replied indignantly and reached for the backs of her knees with his hands, guiding her to sit in his lap when she bent her legs.

"I'm just really glad I have you," she whispered after sitting like this for a few minutes. She didn't do this nearly often enough - convey to him what his love means to her and what an honor it was to have him help her raise her son.

"Me too," Castle hummed, cradling her long body in his broad arms and reveling in the following silence and pleasure of simply being.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Oh, wow, she has gotten so big!"

Kate's eyes widened when Jenny finished peeling Sarah Grace out of her coat and hat.

"Well, it was Christmas when you last had time for us," Lanie said on a slightly sarcastic note and Kate shook her head at her best friend. "Just wait until you have children," she smirked and Jenny nodded her head with emphasis.

"Even loading the dish washer will feel like a huge accomplishment."

"What, with this little sweetie?" Lanie cooed, reaching for Sarah Grace's hand and shaking it.

"You don't know the half of it," Jenny laughed. "She has been colicky these last few weeks and so clingy."

Kate showed her friends to the couch, then got a water pitcher and a plate with cookies from the kitchen.

Lanie snorted in amusement when she saw them. "This must be Louis' doing, huh?" she remarked and held one of the rocket-shaped baked treats high to inspect it closer.

"Oh, is he still into rockets?" Jenny asked, laying Sarah Grace on the couch where she happily kicked her feet and gurgled.

"Rockets, laser tag and planets," Kate confirmed with a smile. "But he also likes small handicrafts; for example, dad showed him how to gut a fish last weekend and he was fascinated."

Jenny wrinkled her nose while Lanie cheered. "That's my boy! Seeing as I will never have children of my own, I'm setting all my hope on this one to carry on my legacy."

"Dr Louis Beckett - it does have a nice ring to it," Jenny mused and they all watched the four-month-old for a minute who was slowly inching towards Kate. "But hey, Lanie, what do you mean, you will never have children of your own?"

Lanie shrugged. "It's just not for me. I adore Louis, but remember how I was with him in the beginning?" She nudged Kate's elbow and both women shared laugh.

"I think you did better than me," she said, and Lanie leaned forward to tell Jenny the story. "I was fine when he was quiet; I loved holding him and showing him things, but the moment he cried, I panicked."

"We both did," Kate chimed in. "I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, all I knew was that there was a baby that depended on me and I had better not screw him up."

"He turned out great; I have so much respect for you," Jenny told her, a tender smile on her face.

Kate blushed slightly and turned her attention to Sarah Grace. "And you are going to turn out great too, aren't you?" she asked the baby and lifted her into her lap when she let out a string of nonsense babbling.

Sarah Grace immediately went for the sparkling ring on her finger and Kate let her play with it.

Lanie leaned over and ran a finger through the baby's honey blonde curls. "Now that you know how it all works, how about a second baby?"

"Lanie!" Kate groused, head falling back against the couch and eyes closed.

"Oh, come on! Where's your man? If he sees you with this baby, he won't be able to keep his fingers off you."

She loved these few hours with what had quickly become two of her closest friends every few weeks, but ever since Sarah Grace was born, Kate had either avoided them or carefully danced around the topic of children.

She was certain she wasn't only imagining this - the looks that were being exchanged when people learned she and Castle had an upcoming date night, the attention that was being paid to the content of her cocktail glasses, and she could swear people's gazes were fixated on her clothing: was it wide, was it loose around her mid-section, was it unnaturally tight?

All of it had started shortly after the wedding but the nudges and comments had been upped a notch after the birth of Sarah Grace last November.

And she was sick of it.

Lanie twisted on the couch, looking around for Castle and Kate grabbed Sarah Grace and set her in Jenny's lap before placing her elbows on her thighs and burying her face in her hands. "It's not him," she admitted quietly. "It's me. I don't want a baby."

Only the squelching of Sarah Grace's drool-covered fingers in her mouth could be heard.

"Well, you already have two children," Jenny supplied understandingly, ever the peace-loving diplomat.

"What happened to little Castle babies? We were all counting on that," Lanie said and Kate shot her a glare.

"Why were you counting on it at all?" she demanded to know. "Why can't a couple simply be happy without immediately having a baby?"

Lanie's face fell. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she apologized, looking genuinely afflicted. "We've just been rooting for you from the very beginning and we thought that's what you wanted."

Jenny nodded quietly and Sarah Grace stared at the adults.

Kate reached for her, snuggling the baby close and Sarah Grace's fists happily closed around her curls, tugging. "It's just that I have two soon-to-be-teens. Throwing a baby in the mix just calls for disaster."

"Would you consider having a baby if Louis and Alexis were younger?" Lanie asked carefully and Kate shrugged.

"Yeah, sure," she said, but it sounded unconvincing even to her own ears.

XXX

An hour later, a key twisted in the lock and their conversation came to a natural halt as they all watched Richard Castle stumble through the door, arms full of plastic bags.

"Oh. Hey," he greeted, slightly stunned to see the three women on his couch and he dumped the groceries in the kitchen before he came to see them.

His cold lips touched to Kate's forehead and Lanie got up to hug him.

Jenny was half hiding behind Sarah Grace and when Castle saw her, he put on his most charming smile. "Hey Jenny," he greeted, his voice smooth velvet and leaned in to breathe a kiss to her cheek.

The bubbly blonde blushed furiously and hid her face between the back of the couch and Kate's shoulder while Castle went back into the kitchen, his laugh booming around the loft.

Lanie and Kate exchanged a look before they started laughing as well.

"That is so not funny," Jenny complained but broke into a fit of giggles.

It was no secret that she had a huge crush on Castle and he turned her into a stammering sixteen-year-old with only a look - even after four years of friendship and shared meals.

Ryan didn't always think it was too funny, especially with Castle being on Jenny's freeby-five list, but him making her blush once every time they saw each other had kind of become an inside joke in their little group - she was the only one who was will star-struck by Castle and he liked to turn on the charm.

"It is a little," Lanie chuckled. "And I think he just volunteered to change Sarah Grace's diaper," she said loud enough for Castle to hear, despite his head being stuck in the fridge.

He jerked back and Lanie pointed at the baby with a sweet smile.

Making a show of rolling up his sleeves, Castle came closer and reached for the baby.

"Hey there, Sarah Grace," he murmured. The girl looked anxiously between him and her mother but then attacked the buttons on his dress shirt with fervor. "Aren't you sweet?"

They all watched him hold the tiny thing against his broad chest, the hand carefully supporting the head and neck dwarfing the baby.

Jenny pointed him in the direction of the diaper bag near the front door and Castle crouched so very slowly, Sarah Grace happily stringing random consonants and vocals together.

Castle slid the strap of the diaper bag over his shoulder, looking extremely pleased with himself, and then he disappeared into his office with the baby.

"He looks good with a baby in his arms," Lanie commented nonchalantly-too nonchalantly- and Kate's flattened hand met the leather couch with a smack.

"Okay, alright," Lanie back-pedaled, hands lifted in front of her chest in defense.

Kate waved it off, hurt and angry and confused. "Can I get you something different to drink?" she asked instead, getting off the couch to escape into the kitchen for a few minutes. "Tea, coffee, juice?"

"I'd love some juice," Jenny replied, smiling in understanding.

She fled, hands shaking with barely suppressed frustration as she poured apple juice into a glass. Squeals and giggles drifted through the bookshelves that separated Castle's office from the rest of the loft, and she looked up to see her husband kneeling on the floor, blowing raspberries on Sarah Grace's neck.

The room began to spin around her, everything too much. Lanie appeared behind her, hugging her without having to ask what's wrong.

Kate gulped down the tears and the emotion and Lanie whispered into her hair, "I'm so sorry, honey. I shouldn't have brought it up again. I don't want children and I should respect your reason for not wanting more."

Kate gave a wan smile. "It's okay. Just everyone asking all the time can really grate on your nerves." And seeing Castle so happy with a baby was the last straw.

"I understand. And I owe you big time, sweetie. Lunch on me next week?"

She nodded tightly. "I'd love to."

The giggles got louder and Castle stepped into the living area with a happy Sarah Grace in his arms. "Guess who smells nice?" he grinned, holding the baby like a trophy in front of him, but his smile faltered when he saw Kate.

"Everything okay?" he asked, handing the baby back to her mom and looking between the three women.

"Fine," Kate tried to reassure him, and even though he didn't believe her, he didn't push.

XXX

"We're home," Louis called and she heard the scampering of his socked feet come up the stairs and her direction.

She hastily grabbed the wash basket with the children's dirty laundry, but Louis caught her staring at the pictures on the wall anyway.

"Hey, that's me," he grinned when he noticed to which framed photograph her gaze had been glued.

"Yeah, that's you."

Wearing a light blue baby cap with a large L printed on it and a dark blue playsuit, a twelve-hour old Louis stared at the camera with those murky eyes that had yet to lighten into the fawn shade they were now.

"Look at my fingernails," he said, pointing. "They were _tiny_."

"_You_ were tiny," she replied, putting the wash basket down and holding out her hands in front of her, showing him how long he was when he was born.

"Woah." He sounded stunned. His eyes went from the baby picture on the wall to his mother's hands. "Awesome. I grew so much!"

"That you did." She smiled as she picked up the basket, putting an end to the stories and memories, but Louis traipsed after her, babbling and asking one question after the other.

"Was I cute?"

"The cutest."

"And were you afraid one of the nurses would run away with me?"

A sharp laugh escaped her. "They didn't have a chance; I didn't leave you out of my sight."

"And what was grandpa's first reaction?"

Kate stopped in front of the washing machine, tears burning behind her closed eyelids. "He wasn't - feeling well that day." Sobering up. "And he was tired because it was so early in the morning. But he loved you from the moment he laid eyes on you. We all did. Me, your grandpa and Lanie."

Louis seemed pleased and she started to sort through the dirty clothes.

"Speaking of Lanie, I saw her this morning, and she said she expects you to go to med school and follow in her footsteps." She looked at him slowly and Louis narrowed his eyes, thinking.

"I know how to gut a fish. Are people's insides very different?"

"I'd like to think so," Kate laughed and Louis shook his head.

"Then tell her no. I wanna build rockets."

"You know what a rocket looks like from the inside?"

"There are fuel tanks and engines with turbopumps and and oxygen tanks and fridges for the food," he began to list and her mouth dropped open.

"You know what an oxygen tank is?" she asked a little dumbly. She had expected him to tell her about flying cheese strings and space suits; something more child-like than turbopumps.

"They need to _breathe_, mom," Louis explained, eyes wide in exasperation. "There is no air in space."

"I know, I know," she said absent-mindedly, sorting the whites from the rest, wondering if Louis' obsession with rockets was more serious and profound than she had thought it was. Maybe she should take him book shopping, see if he was interested in books on that topic.

"Why don't you get Alexis and pick out the veggies you want on your grilled cheese? I'll start making them in a second."

"We're having grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch? Oh yes!" He ran off, calling for his stepsister, and Kate added the right amount of detergent and started the washing machine before she went to look for Castle.

She found him in his office, typing away. "Hey," she said quietly as not to startle him and his fingers barely slowed over the keys. "I'm making the kids grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, do you want one?"

He grunted and shook his head.

She rolled her eyes and shut the door again. Attempting to have a conversation with him while he was writing was futile.

"We want tomatoes on our sandwiches," Alexis declared when Kate got a pan from a cabinet.

"What's your second veggie?"

"Can't we just put a lot of tomatoes on it?" the girl tried to argue but Kate shook her head.

"If you want white bread, you got to have two kinds of veggies, that's the rule."

Both children's shoulders slumped and Louis reopened the fridge with a groan.

"Healthy bread is icky and so are vegetables," he moaned and Alexis nodded her head eagerly, supporting his opinion.

"Food isn't icky; you two are simply picky."

"That rhymed!" Louis grinned and turned to his mom, and Alexis pushed him away from the fridge.

"You're letting all the cold air out."

"Don't have to push me," Louis muttered, grabbing the carrots from the bottom shelf.

"Can you grate these like parmesan and sprinkle them lightly in-between the cheese and the tomatoes?" he asked and Kate raised her eyebrows, reaching for one and skinning it.

"Anything else?"

"Can you try to like grill the carrots into the cheese? Have it melt around them so I won't have to taste them?"

Kate grabbed a knife from the wooden block and cut the carrot into slices like she normally would.

Louis' face fell and he pouted at his mother. "That's fine, too, I guess," he sighed and Alexis rolled a zucchini onto the counter, her second pick.

XXX

When they were sitting at the table, each a sandwich in front of them, Castle joined them. Much to Kate's surprise.

He made himself a coffee and sat down with them. "What's new with you two?" he asked, addressing the kids and Alexis chattered happily about the book review she handed in today - half a week early.

Louis didn't have to report much about school, but after swallowing a big bite of his sandwich, he smiled sweetly at Castle and batted his eyes. "Haven't you _always_ wanted to go see rockets on your birthday?"

Castle looked surprised, and Kate filled him in. "We talked about rockets earlier."

"And it's been a while since we went to see some."

"It's been like four months," Alexis commented, not looking too happy.

"But the New York Hall of Science is so close." Louis was begging now.

Kate cleared her throat to get Louis' attention. "Your birthday was 7 weeks ago and you decided against the museum, remember?"

"Yeah, but I really wanted to see that movie."

"And now it's dad's birthday and he gets to decide," Alexis butted in, giving her father a pleading look.

Castle rubbed a hand over his chin, then turned apologetic eyes to Alexis. "Will you be very mad if I think the museum is a good idea? There's not much else to do on a probably rainy April day."

Alexis made a face.

"I'll let you pick where we have breakfast," he offered and Alexis uncrossed her arms, trying hard not to look too pleased.

"Fine."

"Awesome," Louis cheered. "And there will be a party, right?"

Kate licked some melted cheese off her thumb. "We're just inviting some friends over and I'll be cooking. Nothing big."

"What about us?" Alexis asked. "Do we have to stay in our rooms?"

"The guests will come around eight and as long as you two behave, you're invited to come downstairs and toast with us, but we want you in your rooms by nine. It's a school night after all," Castle told them. "Lights out at ten."

"Ten? Really?" Louis couldn't believe it. Their usual bedtime was nine.

Kate held up a finger. "Only if you get up without moaning on Monday morning."

"Promise, promise," Louis and Alexis said at the same time, grinning at each other and not believing their luck.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

As always, she woke before him.

He was sprawled out on his back, an arm thrown across her pillow, above her head, and his face was slack with deep sleep.

She watched him, drawn in by those lips that were like velvet against her own, and by the smooth skin around his eyes that crinkled happily the moment he laid eyes on her.

He was a truly beautiful man and he was all hers.

Pressing a kiss to his bare chest that had him snuffling in his sleep Kate slinked out of bed, and reaching for her robe that hung on a hook in the bathroom, she stepped out of their bedroom, intent on making herself a coffee.

But when she got into the office, she heard quiet hissing and mumbling. Ducking, she peeked between the books into the kitchen and spotted Louis and Alexis handling a few pans.

The kids-Louis especially-weren't allowed to go near the stove without supervision, but seeing as it was Castle's birthday, they probably had something special planned. So she observed for another minute and when she was satisfied they were being careful, she crawled back into bed and waited for them to barge in.

As far as she had seen, Alexis had been the only one near the hot stove; Louis had been chopping something on the kitchen island.

By the time she was situated beneath the covers again, her robe in the bathroom, her hands and face washed, Castle's eyes blinked open. "Hey," he grinned drowsily, stretching and yawning wide.

"Morning birthday boy," Kate hummed, trailing her fingers over his chest in a way she knew tickled him.

He grabbed her fingers, squeezed them and pressed a kiss to her palm.

"No teasing today, Kate," he warned. "You have to be nice. It's my birthday."

"Didn't know you were turning ten," she fired back, raising an eyebrow.

"See? You've barely said two sentences and you're already being mean."

She patted his chest, false pity all over her face. "Poor baby. Need me to kiss it better?"

"You can try," he said, still pouting. "I'll forgive you depending on the kiss."

He dared her to back out now with a look and she leaned it, brushed her lips over his softly.

"Nope. Try again."

She nudged her nose against his, smiling when he hummed at the sensation. This time, she nipped at his bottom lip until he responded in kind, and then she kissed him, long and hard and encompassing.

"What a brilliant morning to wake up to," Castle purred, before yanking her down to him once more and grappling for her knee to pull her leg over his waist.

She moaned into the kiss at his touch and the disappointment of not being able to follow through.

"Kids," she murmured when Castle kept tugging and he broke away from her on a groan.

"They're coming in here?" he asked and Kate shrugged her shoulders.

"I saw them in the kitchen. I think they're planning on bringing us breakfast in bed."

XXX

He kept trying to cop a feel while they were pretending to be asleep and the teasing heat of his touches had her twisting in the sheets.

She was just about to ruin the kid's surprise by removing herself from his fingers when the door creaked open and Alexis peeked inside.

"Morning," she grinned, balancing a tray on her forearms. "Happy birthday, daddy."

Castle beamed at her and sat up so she could place the tray in his lap. Louis followed with two glasses of orange juice.

Kate took those from him and Louis climbed on the bed, carefully hugging Castle. "Happy birthday."

Alexis sat down on Castle's other side and he threw an arm around both children, hugging them tight and only loosening his grip when Alexis thumped her fist against his shoulder twice. "Thanks you two, this is really great service."

Louis and Alexis exchanged happy smiles.

The breakfast was indeed lovely; there was a plate with strawberries forming a heart and whipped cream in the middle, and a plate with buttered toast and scrambled eggs.

"Did you scramble those eggs yourself?" Castle asked, taking a bite and the kids both nodded eagerly.

"They're great! But share with me." He handed Louis one of the toasts to nibble on and offered Kate the strawberries, which she happily took.

"That was really thoughtful," Kate complimented and Louis fell into her side, hiding his face in her chest in sudden shyness.

Kate combed her fingers through his hair and they snuggled up until all the food was gone.

XXX

She was kind of tired of science exhibits and museums too, but just like Castle had predicted, it was drizzling and the Rocket Park was thankfully sparsely visited.

Louis and Castle went outside to check it out, exploring the vacated mini golf area that was built around the rockets, while Kate and Alexis stayed inside.

As a promise to her dad, Alexis hadn't touched her phone all day and Kate gave her a grateful smile.

"Best Christmas present ever?" Kate asked, jutting her chin at the bulge in Alexis' jeans pocket.

"The very best," Alexis confirmed. "It's so practical. I mean, you guys can tell me when you're late picking me up and I don't have to wait in the rain for ten minutes."

Kate chuckled, but it came out a little wryly. "Yeah, that happened before, huh?"

Alexis froze, cheeks pinking. "Happens," she stuttered out. "You're busy working, and it happens. Traffic isn't always the best. I don't mind waiting."

Her looks those two times she had stood in front of school, cold and freezing and very much resembling a drowned rat, had said otherwise.

Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned against the wall, peering out the window to see Castle and Louis sprinting through the rain, still utterly fascinated by the rockets.

It was true; she had been working a lot lately, missed dinners and breakfasts and been late to pick up the kids. They said they understood, and they kept making excuses on her behalf, hoping her workload might lighten again the future, but truth was, this was how it should always have been.

Only now did she realize how easy her captain had made it for her, how many times he had turned a blind eye, and just how much Ryan and Esposito had done for her.

But they had their own families now and she was trying to give them what they had given her: a chance to see her kid grow up and fall in love. It was time to repay the favor and she realized, it was harder to juggle a husband, two kids, a social life and a job with irregular working hours than she had previously thought.

And currently, it was mostly her husband who was being put on the back burner. He was preparing two meals out of three a day, he had taken to doing the laundry after she had fallen asleep once in the middle of it, leaving the kids with nothing to wear to school the next morning, he did the ironing and took trips to the cleaner's, he did the grocery shopping, and most days, she forgot to thank him for all of it.

She was ashamed to admit she didn't even know if he was getting any writing done, and in case he did, how much.

This was all kinds of messed up and Castle wanted to throw a baby into the mix.

Alexis cleared her throat and Kate tore her gaze away from her boys. "Oh, sorry. Yes, it can happen - once. I'll just have to work on being better."

"I think you're kinda great already," Alexis said almost timidly, her gaze averted. Even if it was just said because the girl couldn't think of something else to say in response, Kate instantly felt better.

She wound her arms around the girl and they clung tightly to each other. "I just never had so many people need me before," Kate whispered into her hair and Alexis squeezed harder.

"Group hug!" Castle's voice boomed across to them, and she peeked at him over Alexis' shoulder, eyes misty, and then he wrapped himself around them.

Louis stood off to the side, too cool for hugs in public, and Alexis too, seemed to remember where they were, because she extricated herself from the tangle of limbs, using Castle's dampness as excuse.

"We can see one last room before we have to go home and start on dinner," Castle announced and Alexis plucked the museum's leaflet from her pocket and squabbled with Louis over which room to see next.

But Kate stayed back with Castle, splaying a hand over his ribs and craning her neck to get at his jaw. A water droplet was caught by the slight stubble of hair there and she flashed him a hot look before she leaned in and licked it off his skin.

His hands fell to her hips, pulling her close and holding her at a distance at the same time, as if he couldn't quite decide whether he should succumb to the temptation or not, and she smirked before she slanted her mouth over his. A hard and urgent push, taking what she could get before the grousing of their children could drive them apart.

Castle breathed hard when she leaned back. "What was that for?"

"I love you," she told him and he gave her a confused smile, like he was pleased by hearing it but knew something wasn't entirely right.

She reached for his hand, tangled her fingers with his-so untypical for her who hated to be restricted in any way in public-and followed their children who lead the way.

XXX

"You sure you got this?"

"I got this," she assured.

She didn't. What had she been thinking, cooking dinner for twenty people?

But apparently no one made a meatloaf like she did, and so she had offered to make one for Castle's birthday. That was before he had invited his co-workers from Black Pawn and the Precinct crowd had promised to come by no matter the caseload. Kate hadn't had the heart to tell her husband they had to think of something else for dinner, so she was making the impossible possible.

"You won't be mad that the kids and I get to have fun while you have to chop onions?"

"Go play laser tag, Castle," she ordered and leaned over the kitchen island to receive his kiss.

"You're the best," he called over his shoulder, so eager to turn the loft into a battlefield and get beat by the kids.

She stayed back and chopped carrots and onions and a celery rib, minced a glove of garlic, and cooked everything in a pan with hot oil.

She was following the recipe closely, taking it one step at a time. She wasn't much of a cook - breakfasts were her thing. She could make a mean waffle from scratch and despised store-bought pancake batter. Ever since she could remember, she had helped her mom make Sunday brunch, and her mom had made everything by hand. She liked to keep the tradition of that going.

But Kate had never bothered to stick around for lunch and dinner and while Louis had forced her to learn how to cook simple meals-ramen noodles and Chinese takeout every other day apparently not good enough for him-a simple lasagna had her reaching for her cook book.

The meat loaf was the only thing her mother had taught her, and the handwritten recipe had been passed on through the generations for years. She usually did it off the top of her head and sometimes it ended up being a little dry, sometimes the sauce turned out a little too watery, but it was always edible. Today though, she wanted the meat loaf to be perfect.

After chopping everything, she had to use her hands, creating a paste from bread crumbs, eggs, mustard, ketchup, herbs and seasonings.

A few strands of hair fluttered around her temples as she worked, and from her spot she had the best view of the epic laser battle going on in the living room.

Louis was ducked under a side table near the couch and she could hear the kids whispering while Castle was hidden in the dark shadows of the door connecting his bedroom to the living room.

The kids seemed to have come to an agreement and in a flurry of movement, Louis jumped up, firing wildly in Castle's direction while Alexis sprinted to the piano in the corner, protected by Louis' seamless cover.

Castle was forced to move and he retreated into his bedroom. The children didn't even need to look at each other - both took off; Louis running after Castle while Alexis went to cut him off by using the route through the office, cornering him in.

Working the meat and the grated cheese into the paste she had created, Kate only heard Castle's protesting groans and and a slap of skin against skin that sounded suspiciously like two winners high-fiving each other.

Louis was pleased and a little sweaty when he stumbled out into the living area again, grinning. But his whole face lit up when he saw what she was preparing. "Meatloaf! Are you making meatloaf?"

"Yes, I am."

"So awesome," he groaned and sunk onto a bar stool, watching her with hungry eyes.

"What's meatloaf?" Alexis asked, having trailed behind the boy.

"It's so good," Louis raved. "It's meat and potatoes and this really great sauce and carrots you don't taste. It's a secret family recipe."

Kate halted her kneading of the sticky mass. "Have you never had some of my meatloaf?"

Alexis shrugged and shook her head. "Not that I know of."

"She only makes it on special occasions. We used to have it on Christmas all the time, and sometimes on my birthday, too," Louis piped up.

"You made meatloaf on Thanksgiving," Castle called, straightening the new shirt he'd put on. "But Alexis spent it with her mother, so she didn't have it yet."

Alexis looked hurt by that revelation; her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed into a tight line. It was not just a child's hurt of having missed something, it was a hurt that ran much deeper - a hurt of having been abandoned and declared secondary before and the insecurities stemming from that experience painted her face heavily.

"Wanna help me?" Kate asked Alexis, and the girl's eyes tore away from the ground and found hers. "My mom taught me how to do it when I was just a little older than you."

Something shy flitted over Alexis' features, and then she was rolling her sleeves up and washing her hands, meeting Kate at the kitchen island and glowing with being loved and adored.

"The meatloaf is almost done unfortunately," Kate explained, patting the mixture and deciding it was still a little too soft. "But we still have to do the gravy and the potatoes."

XXX

In the end, everyone was watching the two of them prepare dinner. Louis and Castle had tidied the living room in the meantime and also gotten the small black leather couch from Castle's office to provide a few more seating accommodations for their guests, but they seemed to be drawn to the smell of fresh onions cooking in butter and olive oil and the happy chattering.

"Once, when I was little, mom and dad tried to outdo each other for my birthday," Alexis was in the middle of explaining, "and mom rented a jumping castle for my party in Central Park. It was such a hit. But then dad said he had another surprise and guess what?"

Castle, who knew what was coming, grinned, while Louis and Kate listened intently. "He brought a pony!"

Kate gaped. "You got her a pony?" she asked.

"I _rented _a pony," Castle corrected.

"And it was the best thing ever."

"You may or may not have abandoned your guests for it," Castle chuckled, stealing a slice of the apple Kate had cut up, and plucked it in his mouth. "That pony broke a lot of hearts."

"I threw a fit when they took it away again," Alexis supplied, shrugging her shoulders.

"And then we dared to deflate the jumping castle," Castle continued. "She stood in Central Park screaming her lungs out for a solid twenty minutes."

"Did not," Alexis protested, cheeks coloring.

Castle snorted. "Did too. A pink princess dress completed the nightmare. That was also Alexis' first Page Six appearance."

Castle was laughing while Alexis buried her head in her hands, mortified. "Don't start quoting the article dad; I'll never speak to you again."

"_Richard Castle's spoiled four-year-old_," he recited, tugging Alexis into his side and grinning when she struggled free and threw him a scathing look.

Louis giggled and he got a look too. "Didn't know you liked pink," he teased and Kate narrowed her eyes at him which made him clamp his lips together quickly.

"If it's any consolation, pumpkin, at the time it wasn't very funny for me either."

"Why?" Alexis asked, still glowering at him, but there was a spark of interest in the depth of her light blue eyes.

"Well, you had just turned four and it was the first time the media had gotten a proper glimpse of you. And it was your first birthday after the divorce had been finalized, so the press shot me down in flames."

Alexis gave a wan smile.

"Did wonders for my book sales," he said on a wink and opened his arms for Alexis who dove straight into them. "And I think the press realized quickly how well you turned out, and they left us alone pretty soon after that."

"Have I ever been in the press?" Louis asked, so curious, and Kate grabbed one of the apple slices for herself.

"There was that one picture years ago, remember?" she questioned.

"Yeah, and you took it out of the papers."

"Yes, we did," Castle agreed. "There were a few more after the wedding, and we released an official picture to give the press what they want, but that's about it."

"Is that something you're worried about?" Kate inquired, stroking back the flop of hair that covered Louis' forehead.

"Nope," he replied promptly. "But I also don't throw fits in pink dresses." He had his tongue between his teeth and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, and Alexis let out an angered shriek.

XXX

Castle was going over the layout of the evening with the children once more while she got ready.

Dinner was keeping warm in the oven, the large table in the dining room had been expanded and was set, and she had managed to squeeze in a shower. It all sounded very promising.

Her hair was still damp when she slipped into the red sleeveless dress she had bought for the occasion, and she quickly grabbed a blow dryer, attempting to tame the crazy curls into elegant waves.

She kept her make up simple-it was just a small dinner party with friends-but couldn't resist donning a pair of nude heels.

Sure enough, Castle let out an appreciative whistle when he found her in the bedroom, his own t-shirt already stripped off to be replaced by a wine red dress shirt.

She turned to him, smirking. If only he knew what she was wearing underneath the dress. But that would remain her secret for the next couple of hours. She'd tell him sometime after dinner and torture him a little.

He loved it. And so did she.

"Ready to officially turn thirty-five?" she asked, helping him button his shirt and peeking up at him through her lashes.

"Tease all you want, I think it has a nice ring to it. Thirty-five." He slowly tested the sound of it and shrugged his shoulders. "After all, who is finally headed for her forties as well?"

Kate clasped a hand over his mouth. "Not another word, Mr. Castle."

His eyes twinkled and he pressed a kiss to her palm. Then he folded his arms around her and swayed a little with her. "We have plenty of time ahead of us to do all the fun things," he assured her and she dusted a kiss to his chin. "Travel the world, eat in a different restaurant every night, sleep in and do other fun things in bed until the sun sets again," he started to list and she squeezed him hard, smothering her smile against his neck and bringing their swaying to a halt.

Sometimes, she was selfish and couldn't wait for the time when their children were all grown up and independent and she could have her husband all to herself, all day every day. Sometimes, she couldn't wait to travel everywhere with him, or to come home after a long day of working and lusting after him and indulge in her desires. Sometimes, she couldn't wait for it to be only the two of them.

And sometimes, she was ashamed of having those thoughts. She loved her kids and she'd do anything for them, but she couldn't wait for the day she regained some of her freedom she lost so early. She would never change that - having Louis - but when she thought of what laid ahead of her, of what was possible in ten years, excitement bubbled through her veins.

"I can't wait," she told him. "But how about we celebrate your birthday first?"

He dipped a kiss to her mouth and hummed in his throat when her hand skimmed his cheek. "Let's go."

XXX

Louis and Alexis had offered to serve drinks to the guests to allow Kate and her husband to rush to the door whenever there was a knock.

With the next one, it was Martha flurrying in. "Katherine, darling!"

She was being hugged and kissed and complimented and she breathed a sigh of relief when Martha let go of her and moved on to Castle. She liked the older woman, she really did, but her breeziness was a little much sometimes.

Her father obviously had similar thoughts, because he only stepped out from the shadows of the hallway after Martha was gone.

He was quiet, calm, and she held onto him for a long while, drinking in some of that gentle reticence.

"You look good, Katie," he told her, his eyes warm on hers.

"Thanks, dad. I'm glad you could make it. We've missed you."

Jim Beckett had been around a lot during the last half of the previous year. Her birthday, Thanksgiving, a weekend at the cabin in the snow, Christmas and New Years, they had all celebrated together, but now she hadn't seen him since Louis' birthday in February.

"Missed you kids too."

Castle was on his way over to them and Kate watched as they hugged and slapped each other on the back. Castle might be the only man her father had ever full-heartedly approved of.

Jim cleared his throat and pulled a small package out of his coat pocket. "I got you a little something. Nothing special but I thought you might like it."

"You shouldn't have, Jim," Castle said but he accepted the gift with a smile.

"I wanted to," the older man commented, winking and opening his arms for Louis who hurtled towards them.

"Grandpa!"

"Hey buddy."

Alexis was still asking people what they wanted to drink and Kate excused herself to help the girl.

"Dad's buddies all want beer," Alexis told her and Kate found the group of mystery novelists in a corner. They were laughing heartily at something Martha said when Alexis came close to her, whispering, "I've been putting extra little into her wine glasses. I don't like when she drinks."

Kate gave her a tender look. "That's a sweet thought, but you don't have to worry - we'll keep an eye on her."

Alexis smiled thankfully and rushed off with two beer bottles.

"You guys sure appreciate the good stuff," came a voice behind her and Kate turned to find herself face to face with Lanie who was holding a mostly empty glass of wine.

"Castle has good taste," Kate agreed, smiling at her friend and reaching for her own glass that was on the counter.

They toasted and started chatting untile a flurry of activity at the door caught Kate's attention.

Jenny and Ryan were just stumbling in, both looking very unhappy with little Sarah Grace sitting enthroned in her mother's arms.

"Hey you two," Kate greeted and hugged them both.

"I'm so sorry, Kate," Jenny began. "My sister was supposed to watch Sarah Grace but she got sick and we couldn't get another sitter on such short notice."

"And we had so looked forward to tonight," Ryan piped up, both of them a little shy, but Castle was already reaching for their coats.

"It's no problem," he promised, helping Jenny getting the baby undressed.

"We'll just hand her from one person to the next," Kate laughed.

"She can sleep in our room," Castle said. "It's soundproof and we have lots of pillows to keep her from rolling off the bed."

Sarah Grace was munching happily on her fists, whereas Ryan and Jenny simply looked tired.

"Come here," Kate cooed and took the slobbering kid in her arms. "Let's get your mommy and daddy something to drink, and then I will go find you a very special toy that is going to keep you occupied all night." She dug her fingers into Sarah Grace's chubby tummy and the girl let out a squeal.

Her parents sighed in relief and Castle provided them with refreshments.

XXX

Alexis and Louis quickly found a play mate in Sarah Grace and both made a face when they were told to go to bed.

They had been shy around the baby at first, had barely dared to touch her, but it hadn't taken long for Sarah Grace to show them how strong she really was: a fist clamped around Alexis' hair, a foot against Louis' chin that had tears welling up in his eyes, and a stuffed animal that flew across the room.

Kate had watched them interact with the baby from afar and what she saw had truly touched her. Alexis' cheeks had glowed pink as she so very carefully had put Sarah Grace on the living room rug, supporting her head at all times, and Louis had whispered tender nonsense to the little girl, even kissed her when he thought nobody was looking.

It had been a lovely sight and it hadn't escaped her that Castle had caught her watching the three children. His hand had found her's under the table and she had laced their fingers together without taking her gaze off the scene on the rug in front of her.

Had she looked at him the yearning in his eyes would have crushed her, she was sure of it.

It was no secret that he wanted a baby and he'd hinted at it so many times but she had managed to escape a serious talk every time until he had given up. His desire was reduced to longing looks and sorrowful sighs whenever Sarah Grace was around.

It hurt her, ate away at her, but she couldn't bring herself to obliterate those dreams of his forever - egoistical as it might be.

Alexis and Louis had said goodnight to everyone and at the same time Jenny had gone to put Sarah Grace to bed, but half an hour had passed since then and Kate excused herself from the conversation with a few of Castle's book friends to look if Jenny maybe needed help.

She stepped through the office, slipped into the dark master bedroom - and found mother and daughter conked out on the bed.

Jenny's legs were dangling half off the bed, her arm was around her daughter and both were fast asleep.

Kate had to stifle a smile and went to their walk-in closet to look for a throw blanket for Jenny. She couldn't remember how many times she had fallen asleep in the weirdest places and positions when Louis had been little. Parenting alone had been hard, and once Louis had as much as closed his eyes, she hadn't dared to move anymore. The result of that had been more cricks in her back and neck than she could count.

Louis had been a horrible sleeper those first few months and she had feared she'd never make it as a mom. All the more sacred had been those few mornings where he'd let her sleep in and had just peered up at her from his crib when she'd finally made it out of bed.

Kate found an old blanket and when she walked back over to Jenny and Sarah Grace, it wasn't a smile she had to stifle, it was a sob.

She so badly wanted to give Castle what he wanted, but she didn't know if she could do it again. Having Louis was the single most hardest thing she had ever done in her life, and whereas she wouldn't be doing it alone this time, the fear sat deep and heavily inside her.

The thought of doing it alone frightened her, but the thought of doing it with someone after having done it alone scared the shit out of her.

She laid the blanket over Jenny and made sure Sarah Grace was secure within a nest of pillows before she pressed her fingertips to her eyes until she saw stars.

Castle was out there, probably already looking for her and she absolutely had to get it together.

Slipping out of the room, she immediately found him in the small crowd. He was standing tall, his red shirt bold in a sea of black and dark blue. He looked up, as if sensing he was being watched and their eyes locked before he came for her.

"You okay?" he asked and she leaned up to press a kiss to his lips.

"Fine. But do you want to explain to me why there are two women sleeping in your bed?"

She raised an eyebrow and Castle peeked around her, staring at the closed bedroom door. "Two women? In our bed?"

She nodded, waiting for an explanation, and Castle's mouth opened and shut like a fish's, his eyes wide. Eventually, she broke and knocked her forehead into his, grinning. "It's Jenny and Sarah Grace. They fell asleep in there."

"Oh and I thought it was the second part of my birthday present."

Her hand landed weakly on his chest and he wound his arms around her, smiling into her hair.

"What makes you think there is a second part?"

He raised an eyebrow, grinning madly, and slipped his index finger underneath the sleeve of her dress, hooking it around the strap of her bra and tugging. "I don't think I've seen this lovely shade of blue on you before. Must be new."

She slapped his hand away, pulling him down for a kiss that was merely a promise of what else was to come later that night.

* * *

Twitter/Tumblr: kbymyside


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Castle did a fist pump when the door closed behind Louis, Alexis and their friends that had picked them up for school.

He and Kate had a rare morning off together and had made plans.

"Ah, the silence," he sighed happily and padded over to the kitchen counter where Kate was cleaning up spilled milk and bread crumbs.

"You weren't even here for the big fight," she smirked and got a cup from one of the cabinets to make him a coffee.

For a change, she had woken up early to get the kids ready for school, allowing him to sleep in.

"The bathroom problem again?"

Kate nodded. "_Louis has been in there for eight minutes_," she quoted, trying to mimic Alexis' whiny voice. "Is she timing him on her phone?"

She handed Castle the coffee and he took a sip, closing his eyes and allowing himself a minute to wake up. "Maybe we should move Alexis into mother's old room. That way they'll each have their own bathroom."

Kate threw the sponge in the sink and grabbed a dish towel to dry her hands. "What? No, Castle. That's not a solution to this problem."

He raised an eyebrow, not seeing her point. "Why not? They each have their own bathroom, ergo no more complaints about not having enough time in the mornings. Mother is barely here anymore anyway, I'm sure she won't mind swapping rooms with Alexis and sharing a bathroom with Louis when she does spend the night."

"But this way they're simply avoiding the problem, not dealing with it. They should learn to compromise and talk to each other to figure out a solution that works for everyone."

"If we let them figure this out on their own, all they'll do is argue, and I don't want them to fight. I want them to get along."

Kate put the towel aside and reached for his hand, patting it and seeming far too calm about this for his liking. He just wanted to avoid conflict.

"So in the future, if they both want to take the car, you're just going to buy a second one? And a third one because maybe you'd like a ride too?"

He narrowed his eyes at her and she shook her head. "They're always going to fight. If not about the amount of time in the bathroom, they'll find something else. Our job is to teach them how to deal with it and respect the other's needs and wishes. It's an important lesson to learn. I don't want my kids going through life thinking they can allow themselves to do anything. At one point in their lives, there will be something they have to face head on, and I don't want them to struggle with it then. I know you don't want that either."

Castle scraped a hand down his face and flipped their hands, cradling hers in his and playing with her thumb while thinking. "No, you're right. I also want them to clean up after themselves - despite having the luxury of a cleaning service."

Kate smiled warmly at him.

"But I really do hate when they fight."

"I know you do. I do, too."

"Do I scold Louis when he's cheeky? Do I raise my voice? It's taken him so long to fully warm up to me, I don't want to destroy that."

Kate rounded the counter to sit next to him, their knees touching. "You're his step-father and guardian, it's your job to raise him. Part of that is telling him what's right and wrong, and if you have to discipline him, do it. He'll be mad at first, stomp off and bang the door, but I think in the long run it's healthier for both the children if we don't differentiate between them. And Louis has known you for four and a half years - he loves you. More than me right now probably; I've been the bad guy for eleven years after all."

Castle sucked in a breath. "He thinks you're the bad guy?"

Kate chuckled wryly. "I'm the only one who's ever told him off."

His hand clenched around hers in the desperate urge to right this. "I never thought of it like that, Kate. I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to be the bad guy."

She shrugged her shoulders. "He hasn't figured out yet that he'd get away with almost anything when it comes to you," she said easily, looking rather amused instead of angry. "But once he figures it out, we'll be in trouble. 'Cause Louis, he's sly, you know?"

"Yeah," Castle breathed. "Okay. Wow. I've honestly never looked at it from your perspective, but I see your point. From now on, I'll be more strict."

"Yeah, that'd be great, babe."

She smiled softly at him and he leaned in to kiss those pink lips.

"You interested in taking a shower with me before we get going?"

She reached for his half-full cup of coffee and took a sip, trying to act nonchalant but her sparkling eyes gave her away. "I could maybe be convinced."

"Playing hard to get, are we?"

Castle got off his barstool to stand behind her. Prying the coffee from her hands, he flirted his hands up and down her sides, his nose nuzzling into her hair and his lips teasing at her pulse point.

Kate tried hard to keep her eyes open but when she did blink, he wound his arms around her midsection and lifted her off the barstool.

She let out a surprised yelp, the barstool toppling to the ground, and Castle took off with her.

"Castle!"

Her feet were only inches off the ground and she was struggling so hard Castle had to put her down in his office, but he was grinning triumphantly when she spun around.

"You are going to pay for that," she threatened, a dangerous gleam to her eyes as she shoved him in the direction of their bathroom.

Oh, yes please, make him pay for it.

XXX

"Okay, we got the boots, the backpack and the tent," he counted, stuffing all their new acquisitions into the back of his Mercedes. "Anything else?"

"Well, we should figure out what we're going to do about the meals. We have two lunches, one dinner and one breakfast."

"Oh, we could buy a little gas cooker and bring cans of beans and collect mushrooms on the way."

Kate arched an eyebrow. "This was supposed to be a romantic getaway for the two of us, not a direct trip to the morgue."

Castle snorted. "I have camped before, you know. I can also tell you which berries you'd rather steer clear of."

"All of them," Kate shot back. "We are not going to eat anything we find. I've seen pictures of that lodge and I really do want to make it up there."

She had her lip trapped between her teeth as she came closer and his hands automatically fell to their favorite spot at her waist. His birthday present from her had been a weekend in the mountains. It was a one and a half day hike to the top and they'd spend one night in the wild, and the second one in a huge, rustic lodge that had fireplaces in every room and a spa area on the bottom floor, before a shuttle bus drove them to their starting point on the third day.

Their friends had chipped in by getting them vouchers for camping gear.

"That was a brilliant idea you had, Mrs. Castle," he congratulated her and her lips spread into a beautiful smile. "I can't wait to have you all to myself for three days and two nights."

"It'll only be one day if you don't feed me."

"Right."

Castle searched his pockets for his car key, locked the Mercedes and pulled her towards the mall by her hand. "Let's go find some food."

XXX

They ended up deciding on hot dogs and baked beans for dinner, soups and baguettes for both their lunches and instant coffee and crackers for breakfast. For in-between they bought granola bars and apples. Nothing too fancy and nothing too heavy.

"I'm so excited," Castle grinned, bumping hips with her as they made their way back to the car.

"I'm looking forward to it as well. Ten more days."

"This could be like our second honeymoon. Our first one was rather short after all."

They hadn't wanted to leave the kids with either of their grandparents for too long, so they had decided on a three day weekend in hot and sunny Mexico, leaving the others to grouch about the harsh fall weather.

"I think we made the best out of the few days we had," Kate noted, and he knew exactly what she was thinking of. That one night that had so innocently started with watching the sun set on their balcony...

A tug on his earlobe brought him out of his daydream and Kate looked up at him with knowing eyes. "Don't have that look on your face in public," she scolded him.

"Afraid you can't restrain yourself?" he asked, eyebrows dancing and she glared at him.

"Nope. Afraid you can't hide the effects of thinking of that fabulously _hot _night as well as I can."

He let out a frustrated huff and decided to be good. Until they walked past a lingerie shop.

Kate rolled her eyes when she saw the reason he stopped in the middle of the mall. "I just bought new underwear for your birthday," she said, fingers lacing around his wrist and tugging.

"Do you maybe wanna wear that again? Soon?" He gave her the hopeful puppy dog look, the one she could never resist.

"I like to be comfortable when I go hiking," Kate retorted, sympathetic and a little amused. "And I'm sure anything I wear will be gross and sweaty once we make it to the lodge."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Castle conceded, though it would have been nice. Kate had great taste and the body to pull off almost anything. And they both liked the thrill of well-fitting lingerie.

"But hey, you did tear my underwear last week."

Her eyebrow was lifted in suggestion and Castle scoured his pockets for his wallet. "I should definitely replace that pair. And the one from New Years Eve. And spring for a third to make up for all the inconvenience I must have caused you."

Kate's tongue was pushed between her teeth as she plucked the wallet from his fingers. "Meet you here in fifteen?"

He watched her saunter off and could barely repress a silly smile. He didn't know how he got to be so lucky.

A jostle of his shoulder brought him out of his fantasies and the group of teenagers continued on, laughing and chattering, and he realized he was standing in the middle of the mall like an idiot.

His feet carried him along the left side of it, his mind still with his wife and only a screaming kid startled him out of his thoughts. He came to a halt and checked his watch for the time when he realized he was standing in front of a baby store.

Onesies so tiny they didn't even cover the length of his arm, bootees made to keep tiny feet warm and of course, shelves filled with stuffed animals.

He'd never been able to tear Alexis away from those. She had fallen in love with one from every store they had gone to and he couldn't ever tell her no, so by the time she was five he'd thought he needed to line a second room with shelves just so she could display all of them.

It had been ridiculous and he'd been able to convince her to get rid of most of the fluffy toys when she started school by telling her she didn't need them anymore, that she was a big girl now. Only Monkey-Bunkey and a handful of others had been allowed to stay. She still had them, but they no longer got to fall asleep in her arms; they were sitting next to her pillow instead. Soon, she'd kick them out of her bed and he was the one who got to seal their fate.

He usually donated her other toys, but Monkey-Bunkey and that purple unicorn and the brown dog she'd gotten as an infant that had been bigger than her at the time, those were special and he wished he could hand them on to a child that meant something to him.

Sarah Grace had gotten Louis' plush sheep and the boy might be interested in a few of Alexis' stuffed animals-he still slept with his grey whale crushed against his chest every night after all-but in a few years, he'd lose interest in them too.

And then...

A sad sigh crawled up his throat.

He'd never had a whole family. He had a loving mother who had worked too hard in her desperate attempt to make ends meet, and he'd had a plethora of step-fathers, but they had never been a real family.

He had a daughter with a woman he never truly loved and who'd left them after only two years together.

That was not how he'd imagined his future family on a lonely day spent backstage while his mother was doing rehearsals. No, his nine-year-old self had summoned images of a wife wearing a puffy wedding dress, a little boy with his eyes-Benny, he remembered-and a black dog that fetched.

Well, he had the wife-and Kate Beckett was so much more than his imagined wife-and he had two children, both of which were amazing and dearly loved.

But the order of things was just wrong.

He was a lucky guy and woke up grateful for everything he had every morning, but sometimes, he just wanted to know what it felt like to have a baby with the person he loved. To actively try-oh yes, the excited, hopeful trying-to be there every step of the way and watch that tiny thing they made from love unfurl and go off to do great things.

But it seemed like Kate was of a different opinion. Every time he showed her a cute picture of Sarah Grace, dinner was apparently burning on the stove; every time he found something that had belonged to Alexis as a baby, she heard the imaginary call of one of the children; every time the word 'baby' fell out of his mouth, she needed an immediate update on their case from Ryan and Esposito.

She'd told him 'maybe' that day she saw her father for the first time in years, but now he was starting to think it might have been the emotional high of the day speaking.

"Castle?"

He jerked his gaze away from the store window and saw Kate standing there with a small bag in hand and a look on her face he couldn't identify.

"Found something?" he asked, his voice lighter than he felt and Kate lifted the bag, attempting a smile.

It fell flat but he ignored the resignation in her eyes and reached for her elbow to walk her back to the car.

He was tired of beating around the bush and disappointed in Kate that she wouldn't seek him out and open up - it was no secret that he was open to the idea of a third child. The ball was in her court.

Maybe he'd just straight out ask her. He didn't like putting her on the spot but he'd given her enough opportunities to either tell him yes or no.

Castle made a mental note to get both kids out of the loft for an afternoon before their camping trip next week. He just couldn't picture going on a 'romantic getaway' as she'd dubbed it knowing she was keeping something from him.

* * *

Twitter/Tumblr: kbymyside


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